Child
by Sherry Jackson
Summary: 'I'm not a child, damn it! ' Ed all but screams at his Commanding Officer's face. 'I stopped being a child the day I lost my limbs' 'Hell, Now that I think, I never got a chance to be a child.. Did I' His voice had taken a darker desperate tone. Desperate eyes hidden behind his golden bangs. 'I HAD to grow up the day that Bastard of a father left us.. Left me'
1. Chapter 1

**Stop**!

'Stop being so dumb, _shorty_! ' the seven year old boys, called out to another five year old. 'WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SMALL ANT WHO COULD BE CRUSHED UNDER YOUR FEET! ' The said five year old yells at them, at the top of his lungs. 'Well you're the only child around here, are you not? Of course we are talking about you! Grow up already! _Shorty'_ He clenched his fist and gritted his teeth, while turning away, their laughter was the last thing he hears before running away from the scene.

-*-*-*-*-line break-*-*-*-*-*-

By the time Ed turned ten, he had mastered the science of alchemy. He knew exactly what he has to do to get back his Mom. He knows it's dangerous but not impossible, and he's willing to do anything to see their mother's smile again. Laying on the cot next to Al's, in Teacher's house, he was thinking about the equations for the transmutation, when he heard some noise out of the door. Teacher was talking to someone '. _.just a child honey, go easy on him._ ' he heard Sig saying. 'He may be just ten, but _he's not a child._ He's has to become a man, if he wants to protect his brother and survive this cruel world, he needs to grow up. And I know what.. ' he couldn't hear anymore... Man... He is a man, not a child. Not anymore. He clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. He will be a man.

-*-*-*-*-line break-*-*-*-*-*-*

The first time Ed met Maes Hughes, he was shoving a photo of his wife in Colonel Mustang's face. The second time he met the lieutenant Colonel, he was being shoved into a car to celebrate his birthday. He tried to make the man understand that he wasn't a child anymore and birthdays were for children. But the said man would have none of it. He put a hand on Ed's shoulder and says 'I don't care if you joining the military gives you the title of an adult. You're still a child and you're free to act your age. ' All conversations ceased after that. Ed didn't know what to think anymore. Was he a child or an adult? He didn't know. He again clenched his fist. But this time he was very confused.

-*-*-*-*-line break-*-*-*-*-*-*-

'It's _okay_ to cry Ed. You're still a child and I know Nina's death has affected you a lot. It's _okay_ to grieve.' Riza softly says in a rare show of affection, to a distraught Ed. Who had just witnessed the splashed blood on the wall, which was once a sweet little angel. But he hears it again. The world " _Child_ ". Was he really a child? He didn't know ,but trying his best to hide his confusion and anger for the word ;he quietly nods. But fooling Riza is impossible. She notices his clenched fist and knows something else is bothering him too, but she keeps quiet and lets him grieve.

-*-*-*-*-line break-*-*-*-*-*-*-

'Grow up brother! You're not a _child_ anymore. And this.. This isn't a child's game. You can't just walk into a warehouse full of murders and defeat them without a plan! ' Al yells at his brother for the fifth time that week, after Ed gets into another compromising situation and comes out with a few broken ribs and a concussion. He is so tired that he doesn't bother answering, but on hearing the dreaded word "child" he clenches his fist. And turns his bandaged head away so as to hide his emotions from his younger brother.

-*-*-*-*-line break-*-*-*-*-*-

Walking through the halls of central command, he could hear those stupid comments aimed at him. _'Such a freak' 'Pup of the military_ ' 'I heard he is half metal. ' This month had not been the best for them. Another false chase for the stone had left them drained both physically and mentally. And the dreaded October 3rd was just a week away. So none of the brothers were having a good time. So he told his brother to stay at the forms and relax while he submits the stupid report to Colonel Bastard. He tried his best to ignore the comments , but one moron crossed his limit. 'What a freak! I'm sure his mother slept with his C. O. to get him the rank. ' the said moron whispered to another . A lieutenant of the same rank beside him. Both of them laughed loudly.

Ed couldn't take it anymore. Nobody, he means it, Nobody could insult his mother and get away with it. He shoved his automail fist directly into that lieutenant's face, effectively breaking his nose and a few teeth. The man stumbled back and fell on his butt. Picking him up by the collar he darkly whispered in his ears. 'I can show you exactly what I did to deserve these dog tags'

'What? Let me guess. You're mother slept with your C.O. and then disgusted by having you, left you on the streets. ' The man chuckled. Blood pouring out of his bloody nose. 'HOW DARE YOU!' he punches the older man in the eye, leaving him unconscious. He lifts his fist to hit the man again when a familiar voice was heard 'FULLMETAL! MY OFFICE. NOW!' saying this, Roy turns on his heels and returns to his office, his lieutenant in tow.

Ed curses softly before getting up and glaring at the ground. The others clear a path for him, and wisely so. Nobody wanted to get on the bad side of Ed, specially after seeing the condition of their comrade. Ed walks in long strides before reaching the office door. He knows he's in trouble but doesn't care. Nobody insults his mother. He kicks the door open and enters without looking up.

 **Well folks that was the first chapter. Review and tell me my mistakes so that I can improve. And tell me how the chapter was.. See you all in the next chapter**


	2. Chapter 2

**HeIllo people! So, this is the second chapter. Let's get to the reviews shall we? I am highly grateful to all of you that you took the time to review my fanfic.**

 **KnightLawn : **Thank you so much, you made my day with that comment.

 **KaylinElemental15** : Thanks, even I am glad that the jerk got what he deserves.

 **Guest** : I'm so glad you liked it. Hopefully I hadn't dissapointed you with this chapter..

 **alightintheshadows** : Thank you for your comment. I hope I've done a better job at the dialogues in this chapter. Please do tell me if it's better or if I can still do better. And honestly I'm a great fan of your FMA Fanfics. Specially 'The Cult'.So, really glad that you reviewed this.

 **Flufflez McSugartop** : I hope that you'll like this chapter too, thank you for reading the first one! And honestly your fanfiction 'Act your Age,Fullmetal' was what that pushed me to write it.. I had written this in rough a long time ago, but the final push was that fanfiction of yours. Thank you so much.

* * *

 **Ed's POV**

There was utter silence in the outer office, nobody said anything. They all knew what had happened in the corridor. 'Hey! Chief you're back! Good, now you can help me find a new girlfriend ' Havoc's attempt at breaking the ice was unsuccessful when I completely ignored him and the others and silently moved to the inner office. I was just about to barge in when I heard it.. _Again.._

'if he is going to behave like a _child,_ I'll treat him the same. Why does he not realize that he is a state alchemist. A dog of the military.' I could hear Mustang say. I couldn't hear the other person, but assuming only lieutenant Hawkeye had such power over the colonel, it could only be her. 'I know he's just 13, but that doesn't give him the excuse to beat a man to pul-'

I simply barged into the room, ending their conversation. Hawkeye just glared at the raven haired man and nodding at me, moved out of the office. But the threat still lingered without having her to say it.. ' _Behave'._ I hadn't looked up the entire time, nor am I planning to, because I know my eyes would betray me in this moment.

'Can you please explain to me Fullmetal, what the hell happened out there. ' I could feel this eyes digging hole into my head, daring me to look up. He's such a _Bastard._ He knows exactly what they were saying. Haven't he heard what they say about me, About him? About my Mom? Does he not realize how Hurtful it is, to be the subject of such disgusting comments by equally disgusting people who gossip like school children?

'They were saying that-'

' I don't care what they were saying Fullmetal. This sort of unruly behavior is highly INAPPROPRIATE and it will not be tolerated inside the Central Command. Do you have any idea how bad it made _you_ look in front of others… how bad it made _Me_ look? '

I looked from the corner of my eyes to see anger in those bitter onyx eyes of his. I couldn't believe it. I knew he was just using me to get high up in the ranks, but I thought he cared for his subordinates. Guess I was wrong. He may care about others, but definitely not me. The thought stung me a little.

' You could have got a court martial if some other high ranking officer would have seen you. And so what, if they did say a few hurtful comments. If they call you names, then why can't you just ignore them. Military is a cruel place. I had already warned you about it. You never follow the rules. Then, Why do you have to be such a bratty _child._ FOR ONCE, ACT-'

I couldn't take it anymore. *Bang! * I slapped both my hands on his table. My automail palm making a dent in the polished mahogany table. And looked up directly into his eyes.

' STOP IT! ' I was seething with anger, the wrath taking over the logical part of my brain. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins, and I was feeling so.. Angry. I was faintly aware of the surprised look in Mustang's face and the presence of other officers by the door, but I was so exhausted. With this fight, with Roy, with the military, with this life. So exhausted.

'I AM NOT A CHILD DAMN IT!.For once in your life! Please. . I can't take it anymore. You don't understand, nobody does. '

I could feel every hair on my arms stand up, my voice was heavy with unshed grief sadness and tears. I wanted to appear strong, but I was so tired of it all..

'I STOPPED being a child the day I lost my limbs' 'Hell! Now that I think, I never got a chance to be a child.. Did I? I HAD to grow up the day that BASTARD of a father left us.. Left me. I HAD TO GROW UP AT THE FREKING AGE OF FOUR WHEN I TOOK UP THE JOB OF THE MAN OF THE HOUSE! THAT DAY NOT ONLY DID I BECOME THE ONLY FATHER FIGURETO AL, BUT I ALSO TOOK THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE HOUSE!'

I couldn't look into his eyes anymore, so I simply hid them under my golden bangs.

'I never had a childhood. I DONT KNOW WHAT'S ITS LIKE TO BE A CHILD! I DONT KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE AN ADULT. AND I DEFINITELY DONT HOW TO ACT MATURE! '

My voice had become hoarse , but I wasn't done. Years of suppressed feelings were coming out. And I couldn't stop it. Not now.

' How could I have known how to act when I had no one around to ever tell me How to. How do I know what's good for me, when I had no adult in my life to guide me. I was the older one. I had to protect Al, protect Mom, which I failed. Both of them.'

' BUT HOW WOULD YOU KNOW! YOU NEVER CARED. I WAS JUST A DISPOSABLE TOOL FOR YOU TO GO UP THE RANKS! '

' Listen, Ed, that's not the-'

'Oh So, I'm lying now, aren't I? You want to know why I punched that man's light out! It's because he talked trash about my family. And I swear, if anyone talks shit about my family, I'll puch their lights out too, and I don't care who that person is and you can't stop me, Okay. You know why? Because you're nothing to me. You got that! And I -'

I could feel the tears that were threatening to fall any second now. I had already lost my dignity when I exploded like that. So I turned around and pushing my way through the other officers, I ran away, from the office and from the military.. Far away..

* * *

 **Roy's POV**

I stood there shocked, as Edward runs away. I want to stop him, but no word comes out of my mouth. I've never seen him _this_ angry. I could still feel the shivers that ran through me when he looked into my eyes. His eyes were blazed with fire. There was so much of anger in them, but the fire was cold. He looked... Defeated.

*Click* the sound of a gun being loaded woke him up from his trance only to be met by the barrel of the gun in his face.

'Ugh lieutenant? I'll return to my paperwork right away, you can low-'

'Permission to speak freely sir? ' she asked in that tone which actually meant _I'm so pissed at you right now that I will shoot the bullet right into your head before you could say snap. '_

'Permission granted.'

'Just what the hell were you thinking sir! How could you say that to him without even knowing the exact details of the incident. You not only drove him to insanity, But you finally broke him. They insulted his mother, he had the full right to punch him. After all, you would've done the same. '

For the third time today, my brain had shut down and I couldn't form a single word. I knew that they called Ed some names, but I never knew it was so bad. I really feel guilty now, Riza's accusing eyes does nothing to lessen my guilt. And she's right. I made a mistake.

' It is my advice to you, to go and talk to him and _apologize_. She says it in that voice, which meat that if _I don't go and solve things with Ed, I couldn't come back or else she'll shoot me._

 _'_ Yeah, sure lieutenant. I'll just go and talk to him.'

I swiftly turn on my heel, and still feeling her eyes and gun making holes in my head moved out of there.

The other officers were in the same position as ever. I could almost see the disbelief in their eyes that I was able to hurt one of my own men.I was just about to close the door when-

*BANG* The bullet hole still sizzling just an inch from where my hand was. I gulped. Havoc comes running to me frantically waving his arms and pure terror in his eyes.

'Boss, I hate to say this but I've got the information that a gun is missing from the arsenal and I think.. I think that Edward has taken it. '

This was going to be a long long day.

* * *

 **Well that's it folks for the second chapter. Hope that you all enjoyed it. Thanks for all your comments and please keep telling me my mistakes, so that I can improve. See you all in the next chapter .**


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know what I was thinking, sneaking a gun from the arsenal, like that , but honestly I didn't care, I still don't. Huh... Well I can't go back to the dorms, Al would surely question me, and I'm in no mood to answer him, he doesn't deserve my anger, after all he's just a child. So are you. My mind says. I ignore the feeling that it's right. I don't know for how long I've been wandering along this river, but it's the only place I can relax, but right now even that doesn't feel right.

I finger the gun I stole, err borrowed, how I hate this weapon of doom, used to kill people. And why I came to hate it so much.

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*Flashback*

It was so dark and lonely. Today was my birthday, another year gone, without him..

'Daddy, where are you?' I ask the skies. Even though I'm young, I know it's stupid to wish on shooting stars, but I have to try. But nothing ever works..he's been gone two years now, and mommy looks weaker than ever. She says that she's fine, but I can see that she isn't, but for Al's sake, I don't say anything.

The night has never seemed as dark as it does now, as I stood alone in the room I shared with Al. Al had caught a cold earlier, and was currently with the Rockbells for the night. That left mommy and me alone.

It has gotten late, I should probably tuck in for the night before mommy comes to check on me.

I was just about to close my eyes, when I saw it... The siluette of a person hiding in the shadows.

'Mommy? Is that you?' I called out but there was no reply.

'Mommy!? Mo-' the outline moved and it was going deeper into the house when-

'Yes honey?' my mom appeared from the other door that connected our rooms, now I was certain there was someone else in the house too. Mommy looks much more weaker than she was in the evening ..I notice. I shouldn't worry her.. It was probably just my imagination.

'I.. I had a bad dream.' even though I didn't like to lie to her, she just looked so tired that I couldn't just tell her the truth.

'Oh, honey.. It was just a dream.. Try to get some sleep and if it doesn't help, you can always come to my room, you know.'

She puts a hand on my head and says 'I know you're a big boy now.. But if you ever need anything, I'll always be there for you '

Something about her words puts me on edge. But I dismissed it. My mommy had promised me, she isn't going anywhere.. So she won't. I simply nodded my head , my mind still with the siluette I saw earlier. As soon as mommy left my room, I slipped out of my bed and made my way to the trap door, hidden behind the cabinets. I slipped the gun, the old man down the street had given me, in my pant pocket and silently entered the dark hallway.

Even though I was just five, I wasn't a child. Not anymore.

*Flashback ends *

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice how far I've come. I've never been this far down the river. But I've heard that there is a shooting range near by. Though the sources are questionable, it wouldn't hurt to check and if this place turns out to be shady... I wouldn't mind cracking some skulls right now.

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Roy's POV

That damn brat. Where is he!? I've checked all the places he could have been.

The dorms.. The Fullmetal alchemist never came back sir.

The library... That bond kid?... Nope, haven't been in a while. And if you happen to see him, can you tell him to stop sneaking the books without my permission!

Alphonse... Brother's gone! What do you mean! He wouldn't just leave me like this!... I know.. When we were kids and one of us was upset we would always go to the river side, it always calmed us. And if brother was as upset as you're saying, he might be there! I would have helped you search him sir, but brother likes to be alone when he's upset and I'm sure he'll be back when he feels better..

And now, the river side... Short and blond, dressed in red and black eh? Yeaaahh, I think I saw a pretty blond a little while back wandering down the river, I asked if he'd like a ride home, but the nerve of that brat!..nearly broke my arm...

No matter how many problems fullmetal had made me face... He was... A good kid. There you go... I finally accepted it!.. Thanks Hawkeye. I roll my eyes at the thought of Hawkeye ever being wrong. The sun was past the horizon and as I watched, the last rays of sunlight snuffed out and left me in the early glow of the evening. After all the efforts, Fullmetal is yet to be found. I think I should head back.. The kid's smart.. He'll not do anything stupid... Will he?

I was just contemplating the odds of making it out alive from Hawkeye's bullets when I see two men dressed entirely in black exiting a shady looking building. They walk past me, too engrossed in their conversation to notice me eavesdropping.

'-amn... He's good. Never seen a kid so talented.'

' Yeah! His obnoxious attitude and stupid height err lack of it, made me certain he's a con, but Man, he beat you bad.'

' Don't push it Ron, else... ' the said man glares at his friend who playfully shoves him and takes off running.

'Last one to the dorms is gonna pay the electricity bill for the whole year'

' Hey! Don't let me catch you.' the said man sticks his tongue out in a teasing manner.

'You're so DEAD' he sprints.

Huh. Lucky people. Living normal lives with no worries. They kind of reminded me of how Maes and I used to be, and our old life before I was-

Well one problem at a time. What does talented and short equals? That red shrimp only.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I slipped into the building and am immediately struck with the sound of gunshots. One after the another. The more I go deeper into this place, the more suspicious it gets. Bullet shells, old pistols, a loaded rifle, suspicious looking stains.. And was that blood! And nobody to be seen. Surely Edward wouldn't come to a place like this. He hates guns, but he did steal one from the arsenal. Shut up brain. Still, I put my guard up and slip my trustworthy gloves on and move stealthily towards the door. And kicking it open I find..

'Fullmetal!..' I looked at him relieved but confused, why wasn't he looking at me. I kicked open a frekin door and nearly blasted him out of the sky! It was then that I noticed that he had those ear guards on that people use in...

I look around to notice for the first time, that I indeed was in a shooting range. A little old and dirty... And a lot shady but one nonetheless.

'Colonel?' he says finally noticing me. Removing his ear guards and putting his pistol down he asks 'What're you doing here!? '

'Well the question is what are you doing here!'

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Well well well... I finally finished this chapter... Again. Don't even ask... I had already completed this chapter like a 2 weeks ago,... But it was... For a lack of better words... Ruined... Completely. I had to savage a few lines from there and entirely make up new. But it's all in the past. So, tell me guys what you think of this chapter.. All your suggestions are welcome..

Hope to see you soon!

Goodbye!


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